How to Strengthen Your Relationship With a Daily Check-In
Couples who make time to talk about the relationship itself, in a conscious way, are more likely to co-create a thriving and successful relationship.
Read that again. Most ordinary couples talk, but do they talk about the relationship itself? And, do they talk about the relationship as a regular practice? Or, do they talk about the relationship only when things are problematic?
That would be like working on a team or project and never getting status updates, having performance conversations, or checking-in except when things are going poorly.
“Daily Dialogue is an intentional effort to talk about your relationship, rather than discussing your activities that day. The focus of this dialogue should be on your feelings about each other and your lives together.” - Prepare-Enrich
We highly recommend that you make time for relationship-focused daily check-ins. It doesn’t have to be hard. We’ve got a step-by-step guide for you below.
Why daily?
Because relationships are an ongoing process and change from moment to moment. We do a deeper dive monthly check-in that we call Team Time.
Team Times are really helpful, but they can require a little planning and aren’t frequent enough to get all couples in the habit of discussing their relationship. That’s why we also recommend having these separate shorter ones on a daily basis.
In case you're not convinced that daily check-ins for your relationship are needed, did you know that couples who turn to one another daily have a much higher satisfaction rate? Unfortunately, couples who don't are much more likely to feel unsatisfied, to stagnate, or to separate.
Daily check-ins takes less than 15 minutes.
Here's where you will begin. Make sure you carve out 15 minutes of uninterrupted time together.
Jumpstart your daily check-in with these questions:
What did you most enjoy about our relationship today?
What can be even more enjoyable about our relationship?
How can we help each other enjoy our relationship even more?
If you find it too awkward to sit and talk directly, try to have the check-in on a walk or while having a meal? We find that some couples feel less pressure when they can integrate these questions into low intensity activities. It also helps the practice become more of a habit.
When you’ve finished taking turns listening to each other’s responses, be sure to close your daily check-in with appreciation and gratitude for one another.
Remember to practice your communication skills to build intimacy
Believe it or not, this type of dialogue creates emotional connection, which is the bedrock of intimacy. However, not all dialogue is equal. Here are a few tips adapted from the Prepare-Enrich program to get the most out of your daily check-in:
Give full attention to your partner when they’re talking. Turn off the phone, shut off the television, and make eye contact.
Focus on the good qualities in each other and complement or appreciate each other throughout the conversation.
Be assertive rather than passive. Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use “I” rather than “You” statements. (e.g. “I worry when you don’t let me know you’ll be late” rather than “You are always late”).
Listen to understand, not to judge, defend, or persuade.
Use active listening. Summarize your partner’s comments and dig deeper before sharing your own reactions or feelings.
If a problem arises, avoid blaming each other. Instead, work together to build understanding and explore a solution. If you aren’t able to resolve issues, reach out before they become more serious.
As you can see, having daily check-ins is a really effective way to build key relationship skills over time. A true relationship nerd like you wouldn’t be able to resist! ;)
Tell us what worked for you
What went well? What was difficult? What got in the way? Tell us on social media so that we can support, troubleshoot and validate you on your journey to co-create the thriving relationship that you deserve.
Sometimes we all just need a little nudging, coaching and feedback to step into our zone of awesome.
We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path and we’re inviting you to join the movement!
David and Lindsey
Co-founders of Relationship Zen and creators of the Thriving Relationship Academy
P.S. If you loved this blog post, please share it with a friend who needs it. Your shares help inspire one thriving relationship at a time. Thank you!
