Fuel Your Relationship for the Next Decade
10 years ago, we weren’t even together. 10 years ago, we didn’t even believe in the love we co-create today. A lot has changed for us. We bet a lot has changed for you too.
This is how we felt after our decade in review
Take a moment to think about your love & relationship life over the last 10 years and answer the following questions:
What are you proud of?
What have you learned?
What are you willing to let go of?
What’s next for the upcoming decade?
Based on this, what would your future self say to your current self?
Reflecting on these questions can fuel and elevate your next decade of love and relationships.
How do we know? Last week, we sat down and did our own Love & Relationships Decade in Review by adapting Marie Forleo’s Decade In Review prompts for our relationship.
Read on to see our reflections and most importantly, for a step by step guide to set yourself and your relationships up to feel empowered, intentional, and less distracted this decade.
Your relationship deserves this, friends!
Before you begin: Clean up
Create a “clean up list” of leftover to-dos, so you don't feel like you're stepping into 2020 with a lack of momentum or unfinished business. This is something we learned from Brendon Burchard’s practice.
Here’s how it works: You might have a mental or physical list of things that you wanted to do by now in terms of love & relationships. Our advice is to start or crush one or two of these right away to build confidence and a feeling of progress.
Which items from your list should you pick? For the sake of time, pick something that is important, yet feasible to do today.
For example, is there a difficult conversation you’ve been wanting to have with someone like a friend or family member? That’s doable. Or, have you been meaning to try out a new type of meditation or routine to build more mindfulness? That’s also doable. Get it done or started today folks!
You can stop reading and do it right now.
Now that that is out of the way, let’s get started.
For the rest of this guide, you’ll want to take physical notes. At the top of your page, write “Decade In Review: Love & Relationships Edition”.
Then, follow the prompts below. For each of your responses, use a free writing approach. This means write whatever comes to mind without judgment. Aim for quantity over quality. Feel free to use graphics too. The key is to let it flow.
It might take a few minutes to get the juices flowing but if you stick with it, it’ll come.
By the way, if you’re partnered, do it together. It may be one of the most powerful activities you do this year.
Ready? Let’s go!
Section 1: What am I proud of?
“Two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.”
We often focus on the problems in our relationship. This makes sense because humans are natural problem solvers.
However, let's build on the previous activity and create a feeling of progress.
Write as many ideas as you can for each of these prompts:
Over the past 10 years, what have you done/experienced in the area of love & relationships that you are proud of?
What obstacles have you overcome in love & relationships?
What results or outcomes have you had in terms of love & relationships?
Write as many ideas as you can within 90 seconds per prompt. This time blocking encourages you to shut off your analytical mind and focus on free-writing.
When you’re done, take a look at your list and circle what stands out to you as most important.
Write about the reason why the one thing you circled has made the biggest difference in the quality of your love & relationship life. Don’t skip this last part because it will fuel your next decade.
Our Response
The fact that we got together just under 10 years ago is something to celebrate because we were both averse to long-term relationships.
Lindsey overcame a mistrust of men and David overcame a resistance to intimacy. This allowed for more love to enter our relationship. More on this below.
What about you? Be sure to complete the prompts in Section 1 before continuing onto Section 2.
Section 2: My Learnings
Write as many ideas as you can in 90 seconds for each of these prompts:
What have I learned about love & relationships over the past 10 years?
What wisdom about love & relationships has become crystal clear?
What mistakes in love & relationships did I make and how can I learn from them?
When you’re done, take a look at your list and circle the most important lesson. Then, write a few sentences about why that one lesson matters most going into the next decade. This will ensure that you don’t step into the next decade repeating mistakes. Instead, it’ll help you continue to experience more of your potential!
Our Response
Esther Perel’s wisdom stands out to us the most: “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
Our own motto: “We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path”, was created before we read Ester Perel’s groundbreaking book, but she put scientific language around what we felt to be true.
This wisdom reminds us that a healthy relationship is dynamic, responsive and attentive. It evolves according to the circumstances of either individual and the path they co-create.
What wisdom have you gained this past decade? Be sure to finish Section 2 before continuing.
Section 3: What I’m willing to let go of
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.”
Write about everything you're ready to release:
What ideas, concepts, or assumptions about love & relationships am I willing to let go of?
What limiting beliefs, anger, resentment, or emotional baggage no longer serve me in love & relationships?
What expectations or norms about love & relationships do I want to release?
Then, circle what is most important to let go of; and, write about why. Once you know what has been holding you back in your relationships, you’ll know what to do to create a better decade!
Our Response
In one of Lindsey’s previous relationships, she gave too much of herself to the other individual and didn’t prioritize enough of her individual needs.
By doing this, she lost herself to the person which created a toxic and codependent relationship.
Since then, she let go of the idea that she is responsible for her partner’s happiness.
David had to let go of the idea that long-term relationships were doomed to fail overtime.
He used to feel that having a partner would be a waste of energy... a burden... because he constantly saw partners lose themselves to each other, which led to toxic, insecure and unhealthy lives.
By seeing love in this way only, he was closing himself off to intimacy.
When he let go of that self-limiting belief, he took the first step to opening himself to real, conscious and elevated love.
What are you willing to let go of? Be sure to do section 3.
Section 4: What’s Next?
“People are working harder than ever, but because they lack clarity and vision, they aren’t getting very far. They, in essence, are pushing a rope with all of their might.”
Write a list of all the things that you’d like to create and co-create in the next decade:
What do you want to have or experience in terms of love & relationships?
What do you want to bring and give to your love life & relationships?
How do you want to feel about love & relationships on a more consistent basis?
Be specific and concrete. Envision the best possible decade! So much can be done in a decade! Dream big and don’t underestimate yourself.
For example, if you want to have less explosive arguments in your relationship, then you may want to avoid the four horsemen, check your ego, or avoid these phrases during conflict. If you want to feel more secure in your relationship, then you may want to do things that build your self-esteem. You can even do it together!
Once that’s done, circle your 3 most important love and relationship goals for the next decade. From there, choose the one goal you want to take on this year and start making a plan.
And of course, write down why these 3 goals are important to you and who you need to become to make these dreams happen. We love this part of Marie Forleo’s advice because the process makes it really real and concrete.
Try it.
Our Response
For this next decade, we’re all about three things: stretching our boundaries together; contributing more of our time and resources to social problems; and becoming even better relationship coaches for ourselves and for you, fellow Relationship Nerds!
Let’s see some goals put into place!
Section 5: What ‘future you’ wants the ‘current you’ to know
This is the last step and it’s pretty fun!
Imagine it’s 2030 (or 10 years from today) and you’re writing to the present day you.
Experiment with these prompts from Marie Forleo that we’ve adapted to love and relationships. Write whatever comes to you and don’t worry about editing yourself.
I need you to start…
I need you to remember…
I need you to focus on…
Our Response
“I need us to remember that our relationship is a rich source of joy, abundance, and endless adventure.”
“I need us to focus equally on individual, relationship and community health and wellbeing.”
That’s it!
You and your relationship have GOT THIS next decade. Try this review because you deserve all the love and abundance in your relationships!
“Don’t worry about getting it right. Just get it started.”
Having relationship problems? Want to crush those relationship goals with less stress and more ease so you can achieve more, feel more and experience more as a team?
If so, join fellow relationship nerds on our mailing list (at the bottom of this page) so you don’t miss out on advice and exclusive offers.
We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path and we’re inviting you to join the movement!
David and Lindsey
Your trusted conscious relationship coaches
P.S. If you loved this article, please share it with a friend who needs it. Your shares help inspire one thriving relationship at a time. Or, read on. Thank you!
