Coronavirus Relationship Support Guide: How to Navigate This Time Together
While you avoid public spaces (to avoid making things worse) and create a household plan to help #FlattenTheCurve, don’t let fear get in the way of choosing to be emotionally centered, growing your love, and caring for one another, and for those in your network.
Whether you have the privilege of being together, or are in a distance relationship, we humbly share our strategies, resources, and tips to fortify your relationship amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
We wrote this guide as you and your loved ones are in our thoughts during this uncertain time.
We’ve divided our guide into 10 sections. Click on the section that speaks to you most to jump straight there, or start from the top.
Spending (Some) Time Apart - you’ll thank us later ;)
Resting - go easy, friends
Connecting with Loved Ones - now, more than ever
Moving and Sweating - don’t underestimate this
Smiling, Laughing, and Playing - never grows old
Centering Emotionally (how to)
Practicing Gratitude (how to)
Scrolling Social Media (how to do it right)
Nurturing Your Inner Hero - You. Got. This.
Not Enough? - we can personally support you in these ways
Spend (Some) Time Apart
There is such thing as spending too much time together.
Self-isolation isn’t going to be a sprint. Set up for the longer-term. For those of us who have the luxury of working from home (or being home) together, it could be amazing, or it could cause a lot of distress.
“Working from home is particularly challenging for couples because relationships are successful when there’s a delicate balance between autonomous freedom and intimate connection”
So, keep things balanced.
While you self-isolate together, self-isolate as individuals. Be sure to keep up with your own hobbies, recreation, and interests apart from your partner.
Even if that means going for social distancing walks, hanging out in opposite corners of the 400 sq. foot apartment, putting a bookshelf between yourselves while you work, or scheduling chats with your own friends. You’re likely not used to being together ALL the time.
What are those things that you do for YOU, not your relationship? Keep up with those things. Healthy relationships are two wholes, sharing a path. Maintain what makes you whole, to the best of your ability, on your own. It’ll help you feel like romantic partners, and not just two peeps who happen to live and work together.Careful not to (emotionally) ghost your partner though. Have you unintentionally ghosted your partner during this period of #stayathome? Yes, you can emotionally ghost your partner even when you're in the same space, because living / working together doesn't guarantee BEING attentive to each other's needs.
Ask yourself: Have I truly been showing up for my partner during this time? Have I expressed my own needs and expectations?
#TogetherAtHome is a serious change for many couples and change requires intentional communication. In fact, you must have the explicit conversation about one another's expectations and needs. If not, you'll leave it to chance and increase the odds for miscommunication and accidental (emotional) ghosting. To help, we break down 10 conversation to have during a transition in this article.
Make the most of the quality time (it’s about quality not quantity). How's the quality of your quality time these days? As the world is in flux, so are our relationships. Among other things, your desires to be connected on the one hand, yet autonomous on the other are probably changing (and constantly in flux!). We've certainly been more irritable so we've had to discuss what quality time looks like during the pandemic.
Here's a useful exercise, inspired by David Scnarch: Make a list of your shared YESes and your divergent NOs in your relationship right now. Your joint YESes are the things that you and your partner like to do together during the pandemic.
Make a list together. Be honest because consistently doing something you dislike for your partner's sake can make you resentful. The NOs are just as valuable because they allow you to honour yourself, separate from your partner. Learn to appreciate and share your NOs with each other.
E.g. "Yes, let's do online Pilates classes together."
E.g. "No, let's not watch another romcom."
There will be times when your ecstatic YES will meet their passionate NO (and vice versa). How will you resolve it? How have you resolved disagreements in the past?
The important part is to learn to agree and disagree with compassion so you can honour a) your own and b) your partner’s preferences and needs. This is a transition that doesn’t happen over night.
Keep checking-in with one another as the days progress. You might find there will be some conflict before you get into the groove… and we’ve written a lot of tips for healthy conflict in relationships!
By the way, if you’re working from home with your partner or a roommate, you’ll want to get tips from us and other experts here, after you finish reading this!
Rest Up
You cannot love another from an empty cup.
This is a trying time for our nervous systems. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, humanity feels (and to an extent is being) threatened and that is drawing on our energy.
Bottom line, we’re more likely to feel stressed, irritable and unhappy. That’s not a good mix for relationships. Therefore, do your best to get some rest.
Do not underestimate the power of sleep. Do you feel like you got a consistent and deep sleep that’s enabled you to show up? Those who don’t get enough sleep are far more irritable, fight more in relationships, and are generally harder to be around. On average, humans need 7 to 8 hours of sleep, including appropriate levels of light, deep and REM sleep. David shared a bunch of sleep hacks on his blog.
Check your expectations for yourself. Do you feel off, or like you’re under- (or over-) performing right now? Whatever the case may be, just be aware if that expectation is serving you right now. Do you feel like you need to keep up your pre-pandemic level of productivity? How come? Is that reasonable? Is it necessary? For whom? Again, our bodies and minds are going through a lot right now. Tune in to see what you really need. Is it DOING more, or is BEING more? It may change from day to day and that’s totally okay. We’ll leave it at that.
Limit stressful talk about the pandemic. Even though we’re living through the pandemic, our lives don’t need to revolve around it. How much of your conversation is set to #pandemic or #COVID19? Try to make that less than 20%. It’s important to be on the same page, to take action, and to be informed, but that can quickly spiral into fear-based conversations 24/7. If you’re looking for powerful conversation starters, check our IG TV series.
Sign up for our 5-Day Challenge to Level-Up Communication in Your Relationship to get free access to conversational prompts and training videos over the next 5 days.
Personally, David’s been getting an extra hour of sleep each night and while we keep productive, and we’ve intentionally slowed down in other areas as well. See below!
Creatively Connect
Social and physical distancing do not need to mean isolation, mistrust, and pure self-interest.
Instead, be a role model for humanity in your own way and recognize that we’re all in this together.
If you have to be out. Offer loving and kind smiles to others from a distance. A smile goes a long way for both others and yourself.
While you’re inside. Create groups on WhatsApp or other platforms around your various interests and do daily or weekly journeys or challenges together that you love. We’ve been scheduling virtual meals, coffee chats, and hangouts with friends and family too.
Remember others. Check-in on elders, those who need support, and vulnerable people in your family and network. Helping others nourishes your soul... And your soul could use some love during these uncertain times.
Take the time to creatively connect with loved ones, friends, family, and vulnerable others through technology. Shout out to our neighbour for using our Facebook group to offer support to our own community:
Be spontaneous. Host a live #SocialDistancing party online, or from your balcony with your neighbours, like this guy did in Italy.
Build deeper relationships. Have great conversations with loved ones using some of our #powerfulquestions.
Move and sweat
It’s well documented that as little as 20 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercise a day (along with proper rest and recovery) boosts your immune system, overall functioning, and mood!
Take a stroll if you can. If you’re able and if it’s safe to do so, go for walks, while #socialdistancing, of course. Staying indoors for days on end can wreck your cicardian rhythm and cause vitamin D deficiencies which reduces your well-being.
Take advantage of the vast library of online videos. David’s been doing 10 minute shadow boxing videos and Lindsey’s been following her yoga studio’s live Pilates classes.
Try something new together. We just tried something new and did our very first online ballroom dance class together with Access Ballroom (Valeria and Gil are all about adding positive changes to life through dance).
Access Ballroom offers free online intro classes on Zoom and IG live. Will we see you Sundays at 2pm with Valeria and Gil?
Yoga with Adriene offers amazing free yoga classes on YouTube, and is welcoming to all comfort levels with yoga. We’re doing this as a daily challenge with a group of Lindsey’s friends and colleagues.
Chloe Ting offers a free daily workout challenges. We’re also doing this daily challenge with another group of Lindsey’s friends.
Any movement or fitness regiment that works for you will do. We definitely feel better after moving and sweating. If you can and if it’s safe to do so, do it outdoors to capitalize on that ever so important sunlight.
Smile, Laugh and Play
A simple smile goes a long way for your neurochemistry.
Moreover, laughter is the best medicine and humour hasn’t run out of style during the pandemic. Just check out the countless videos and memes from around the world!
Watch/listen to comedy. We’ve been watching Trevor Noah’s satires of COVID-19 and watching Netflix comedies and feel-good movies. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, use the Netflix Party extension on Google Chrome.
Be spontaneous. Have an impromptu dance party in your space or online.
Gamify yo’ life. Make a game out of your household chores, try out one of those fun couples’ Tik Tok challenges, create household scavenger hunts.
Schedule online games’ nights. We played “Things in a thing” with a group of friends for over 2-hours the other night.
Find Your Emotional Centre
When we’re anxious and fearful, we tend to get stuck in a narrow way of thinking and being. This also compromises our immune systems and causes irrational behaviour.
Practically every day the week before #WFH started, we came home feeling drained from the overwhelming news and business planning around COVID-19. The thing is, as soon as we hit the yoga mat with Yoga with Adriene, we’d feel refreshed, renewed, and more light-hearted. Check out her free daily program here.
Here are some other ways to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and relax):
But first, try this right now:
Breathe in for 4 seconds… breathe out for 8 seconds… repeat, smile, and enjoy.
Meditate together. Try out apps like Calm and Headspace. We also recommend podcasts that host meditations like Meditation Oasis. If you want something more personal and tailored, our beautiful friend Phill guides weekly visualizations and intuitive journeying through Instagram lives.
Individually journal about your thoughts and feelings. The act of writing them out helps to process and integrate them.
Join a program that we’re a part of: The Course for Brides. 25+ coaches and therapists cover topics spanning a wide range of emotional challenges that people experience. Unlike what their name suggests, they cover everyday topics like anxiety, body image, money stress, how to have difficult conversations, how to deal with peoples expectations, boundaries & control issues, and so much more. Let us know if you want access because we have coupons!
Double Down on Your Daily Gratitude
Gratitude is like a vaccine for fear.
Now is a good time to appreciate all the things we have in life. Everything from the minute details to the overarching themes, from your friends and family to the folks keeping our supply chains and health care system going.
Put it in writing. Individually write down at least 3 gratitude statements per day to keep your head up and heart open.
Reiterate your gratitude. You may wish to try mantras, affirmations, meditations, prayers, and/or journaling (as discussed in the section above).
Every night, verbally share gratitude for each other and your relationship, like we do.
Don’t want to write them to yourself? A simple Tweet can go a long way. Lindsey’s gratitude tweet set off a chain reaction that’s been going all week and encouraging folks to share what they’re grateful for.
Control the Social Media Algorithms (don’t let the them control you)
Be assertive and intentional about who and what you let into your head space, because that will shape your reality.
Subscribe, like, share and follow influencers who are beacons of hope and insight so that the social media algorithms show you more things like that and less news that brings you down. Share the good stuff with one another.
Unsubscribe, unlike, don’t open, and unfollow toxic sources of news, attitudes, values and beliefs. Better yet, do this together, right now.
It’s important to be informed, but avoid fear/stress inducing media and don’t consume news first thing in the morning, or last thing before bed because that will prime your day or sleep with stress. Keep one another accountable to this!
We find it helpful to put our phones in a different room before bed so that the first thing we do when we get up is our morning routine, which doesn’t involve scrolling IG (not right away, at least).
Once you do all this, you’ll be able to create some distance with the panicked news (we check it only a few times a day to stay informed vs subconsciously hitting refresh every few minutes).
Nurture your inner hero
We need more heroes.
“Your dreams have not been cancelled.
Your focus has not been banned.
Your habits need not be postponed.
Your daily discipline need not be shut down.
Don’t stop working towards your dreams and striving to be your best.”
Now is the time to nurture and bring out your inner hero.
Contribute to society's COVID-19 management efforts by donating your money, time, or skills! By the way, if you’re staying home, that is more than enough because it helps our healthcare system and those around you immensely!
Ask yourself who your best self is at this very moment. What would they be saying, doing, and thinking? Now, with compassion, ask yourself how you can show up as that person… call on that inner hero.
Try something new. Each of you, learn a new skill online, read those books you’ve been putting off. Just start. Baby steps.
Sign up for these two amazing programs together. One of the world’s leading high performance coaches, Brendon Burchard, has opened doors to his Wellness Master Class for free and the celebrated leadership expert, Robin Sharma, has unlocked access to The Circle of Legends — his top digital mentoring program—for free. These are amazing resources, at no cost. Dive in!
Alone, then together, review your yearly goals and break them down into micro goals. What could you get started with today? How might you support one another in this process? Get the process started. You don’t have to get it done yet, just start.
“Do whatever it takes to find time to create, stay productive and remain inspired right now. And find your personal sanctuary so you get great work done.”
Inspiration from Fellow Relationship Nerds
We asked our community of relationship nerds what they were doing this weekend in spite of social distancing. Here’s what some of them said:
OK fellow relationship nerds. Stay strong. Love more. Keep your head up, heart open, and remember to be kind. We’re all in this together.
There’s More From Us
Tune into our social media because we’re ramping up our Instagram and Facebook videos with daily inspiration. Follow our accounts so you don’t miss a thing.
Sign up for our 5-Day Challenge to Level-Up Communication in Your Relationship to get free access to conversational prompts and training videos over the next 5 days.
Want to chat? Send us an email so we can hop on a free 30 minute call to talk things through.
However you choose to spend your time, please do what you can to help curb the spread of the virus. Follow the established protocols: wash your hands frequently and avoid touching your face; limit physical contact, and avoid public gatherings. We all must do our part in relieving the mounting pressure that is being put on our healthcare systems. Let’s do all we can.
Having relationship problems? Want to crush those relationship goals with less stress and more ease so you can achieve more, feel more and experience more as a team?
If so, join fellow relationship nerds on our mailing list (at the bottom of this page) so you don’t miss out on advice and exclusive offers.
We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path and we’re inviting you to join the movement!
David and Lindsey
Your trusted conscious relationship coaches
P.S. If you loved this article, please share it with a friend who needs it. Your shares help inspire one thriving relationship at a time. Or, read on. Thank you!
