Use Gratitude 2.0 For a More Feel-Good and Conscious Relationship
You may already know about the power of gratitude in life and relationships, but what about gratitude 2.0?
When we express gratitude 1.0 to our partner, it makes them feel good and makes us feel good. When we express gratitude 2.0 to our partner, it does all that and makes the relationship better overall. Doesn’t that sound like something we could all use these days?
Let us tell you what we mean.
Let’s get warmed up...
Try Gratitude 1.0
In gratitude 1.0, your goal is to express sincere appreciation for a specific thing your partner did or didn’t do. Use this template to start off your practice.
Template: “I appreciate/I'm grateful that you [insert a very specific behaviour that you appreciated].”
“I’m grateful that you asked about my day and listened so intently despite the fact that you had so much going on.”
Pro Tip: The more specific you are about your partner’s behaviour, the better.
Take turns and do a couple rounds together.
As you begin to list off appreciations, both of you will feel more connected, seen and heard. Feel it for yourself. =)
Now that you’re all warmed up…
Try Gratitude 2.0
In gratitude 2.0, the goal is to express sincere appreciation AND to explain how it made you feel. At first glance, maybe this doesn’t seem like much. In practice though, it fosters a whole new level of emotional intimacy.
How?
By telling your partner exactly how what they did made an impact on how your emotional state, you’re telling your partner that they matter and you’re developing your own emotional self-awareness and courageous communication.
Template: “I appreciate/I'm grateful that you _____, because it makes me feel _____.”
“I’m grateful that you asked about my day and listened so intently despite the fact that you had so much going on today, because it made me feel respected and supported. Thank you!”
Wait a minute.
Does the thought of expressing your feelings make you feel a tad vulnerable? Us too. That’s OK.
Lean into it and co-create a safer space for one another. Vulnerability is part of what it takes to courageously communicate and to consciously co-create a thriving relationship.
People who practice gratitude 2.0 not only improve their own emotional self-awareness (which is a key skill for effective communication), but they build relationship intelligence by becoming more aware of the impact of their actions on each other. Therefore, you become much more conscious (e.g. deliberate) in the relationship.
Couples in our Thriving Relationship Academy became masters of this daily relationship boosting practice. You can bet that it was awkward for them (even us) at first, but with practice, it became a fun and natural part of their routine… even (and especially) in times of stress.
Gratitude 2.0 is so effective that we practice it in our relationship every night before bed. We make it a priority as a couple. Since you’re also a relationship nerd, we know you’ll want to do this too.
Remember that any good habit takes practice
To paraphrase Robin Sharma, creating positive change is hard at first, messy in the middle, yet glorious at the end. It won’t be perfect and it doesn’t need to be perfect. Just try this tactic now and let us know if it made you smile.
Tell us what worked, what was difficult and what got in the way so that we can support you in co-creating the thriving relationship that you deserve.
If you and your partner find this exercise challenging, let us know. It’s not your fault. We don’t really learn these mindsets and skills in school or at work. That’s why we’re here to support you.
Sometimes you just need a little coaching and feedback to turn your relationship into a thriving one.
We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path and we’re inviting you to join the movement!
David and Lindsey
Your trusted conscious relationship coaches
P.S. If you loved this blog post, please share it with a friend who needs it. Your shares help inspire one thriving relationship at a time. Or, read on. Thank you!
