“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”

Esther Perel, Psychotherapist and NY Times Bestselling Author

Finding the balance between being two wholes and sharing a path is probably one of the hardest things in intimate relationships.

If you stray too far one way by losing yourselves to each other, then you create a toxic, insecure and co-dependant relationship. We’re not suggesting to depend on your relationship to improve your life.

If you stray too far the other way by losing your sense of relationship and over-prioritizing yourself, then that may mean your relationship could be unsuccessful. We’re not suggesting to improve your life at the expense of your relationship.

The good news is, it’s totally possible to be in a state of healthy inter-dependance where: 1 + 1 = elevated 2. Two wholes can improve their lives and relationship by elevating their shared path!

Personally, we let our shared path shift depending on the season of life. Sometimes we need more connection and other times we need more personal space. Below, we’ve focused on the areas in which we synchronize our connection to feed our personal needs, equally.

Seven ways to design your relationship to elevate your life:

1. Physical health

Could your relationship be designed in a way to help you achieve your fitness or movement goals? We have our separate fitness activities, but we also created a shared one by working out at 5 a.m. together.

Not only has this been personally rewarding, but it's been an activity that we cherish.

2. Emotional awareness

We don't know a better to place to practice emotional awareness than within an intimate relationship. We can bring out the best and worst in each other. This is the perfect opportunity for us to practice self-compassion, kindness, and mindful communication.

3. Financial abundance

2 can save better than 1! In our experience, we’ve been able to go halfsies on most things, which means we save more.

With a bit of discipline, your relationship could get you closer to your financial goals too (more to come on this in a future post)!

4. Intellectual growth

Many educators would argue that we learn and grow best when we can share in a dialogue and express our thoughts safely with others. Are there opportunities for you to stimulate each other intellectually?

Whether it's about politics, nutrition, hobbies, or any topic of interest, a relationship is a great place to spark conversations that get your creative and critical juices flowing. We tend to discuss books, podcast, or articles that we come across, especially if wecan utilize them for Relationship Zen.

5. Career goals

Do you demonstrate care for each other's professional growth? Do you look for opportunities to support each other's careers? Do you celebrate each other's successes?

From practical things like reviewing each other's resumes to being a soundboard for each other, we take interest in each other's professional realities, challenges, and aspirations. We strive to be each other's compassionate cheerleaders.

This is an easy place to start owning our relationship to elevate our lives because work is such a big part of our lives.

6. Social network

Networking is about who you know, not what you know. In theory, a relationship doubles your potential network! Who in your partner’s extended network would you like to create a more meaningful relationship with and to what end?

Having a sense of community is a strong predictor of happiness. Moreover, having a diverse community is a strong predictor of success. We assume your partner is different than you and therefore may have a different set of friends who have different sets of friends/acquaintances of their own.

How can you make the most of these vast networks to make genuine connections? Our lives have certainly improved by getting to know each other’s friends and by nurturing the new relationships and the proceeding personal and professional opportunities from there.

7. Spiritual development

This can be your religious or non-religious practice that provides values-based meaning and purpose in your life. For us, it’s about a sharing a daily reflection, meditation, and gratitude practice.

Meditation and gratitude are also predictors of life satisfaction and are definitely relationship enhancers.

Elevate Today

We’re not saying that your partner should be the sole source for each of these dimensions. In fact, that could become toxic if it’s over used.

We’ve simply highlighted various ways in which you can design your relationship to elevate the entirety of your life, and vice versa. It’s still important for us to be two wholes, sharing a path. The above is a piece of that “shared path”.

Although it's a simple concept, it’s not always easy and it does take intentionality and clarity on a personal and relationship level. We had to get reasonably clear about who we wanted to be as individuals, then to see how we could consciously live our relationship so there’s a mutuality there - it’s a balancing act.

Connect for even more relationship advice for couples

Having relationship problems? Want to crush those relationship goals with less stress and more ease so you can achieve more, feel more and experience more as a team?

If so, join fellow relationship nerds on our mailing list (at the bottom of this page) so you don’t miss out on advice and exclusive offers.

We’re not two halves, we’re two wholes sharing a path and we’re inviting you to join the movement!

David and Lindsey
Your trusted conscious relationship coaches

P.S. If you loved this article, please share it with a friend who needs it. Your shares help inspire one thriving relationship at a time. Or, read on. Thank you!

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