How to Support Your Partner After a Tough Day at Work: The Power of Listening
We’ve all been there, your partner walks in after a long, stressful day at work, feeling exhausted or frustrated. Maybe they're facing a problem, or maybe they're just drained from being under a lot of pressure. And naturally, your first instinct is to help. You want to make them feel better, maybe offer a solution, and fix the situation so they’re not as stressed.
But here's something we’ve learned in our own relationship and supporting 100’s of couples over the years: sometimes, the best way to help is not by fixing the problem, but by really listening.
It’s easy to slip into “fix-it” mode. We want our partners to be happy, and we often think that the quickest way to help is by offering a solution right away. But when we do that, we can miss the opportunity to truly connect and support them in the way that they may need.
Listen to learn, not to reply.
Instead of focusing on what you want to say next or what advice you’re eager to give, let go of the urge to fix everything right away. This simple shift can transform the conversation from a potential argument to a heartfelt, supportive moment. When your partner feels heard and supported, it naturally creates space for deeper connection.
So, how do you do this in a way that feels natural?
Here’s our approach:
Hear Them Out: Don’t interrupt. Just listen. Let them express what’s on their mind without jumping in to “make it better.”
Acknowledge What They’re Feeling: You don’t have to have all the answers. Simply acknowledging, “I can see how that would be really tough for you,” can mean more than you may realize.
Repeat Back What You Heard: After they’ve shared, briefly summarize what they’ve said to make sure you’ve understood. This lets them know you’re truly paying attention to their feelings, not just their words.
Ask If They Want Solutions: Before you offer advice, check in and ask, “Do you want help brainstorming a solution, or do you just need me to listen?” This ensures you're meeting their needs, not just your own urge to fix things.
These small shifts - hearing, acknowledging, summarizing, and checking in—make a big difference in how your partner feels after talking to you. It takes the pressure off and shifts the energy from stress to support.
Why Does This Matter?
When you stop focusing on solving their problems right away, it allows you both to feel more connected. Your partner doesn’t feel like they’re just a problem to be fixed; they feel heard and supported. And that’s the foundation of a strong, thriving relationship.
Next time your partner comes home drained, stressed, or you feel something may be off, try this simple approach and see what happens. You might just find that listening is the key to making them feel truly supported.
We’re in this together. Relationships take practice, patience, and small intentional actions that add up over time. When we listen to understand, not to fix, we build a stronger connection, one conversation at a time.
With love and support,
David and Lindsey
