Create a Valentine’s Day Tradition You Actually Look Forward to Every Year 💖
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and for many couples, it’s a time to celebrate their love. But let’s be honest: commercialized Valentine’s Day celebrations, with their grand gestures and expectations, aren’t for everyone. If you're not a fan of the Valentine’s Day served up by the media and ads, you’re not alone!
Personally, we leverage the hype of Valentine’s Day to create connection in a way that feels true to us as a couple. It’s not necessarily about lavish gifts or extravagant dates (though it can be). Mostly, it’s an opportunity to pause and create our own traditions that fills our emotional bank accounts and reflects our love languages.
This year, we invite you to intentionally co-create your own Valentine’s Day tradition - one that you actually look forward to each year. Here’s how we do it and how you can, too.
1. Get Clear on Expectations: Communicate What You Both Want
Valentine’s Day is about connection. But here’s the thing - connection looks different for everyone. Whether it’s gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, or something as simple as sharing a meal, it’s essential to know what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated.
Maybe your partner loves flowers and chocolates, while you’d prefer a cozy night in with just the two of you. Or perhaps one of you thinks Valentine’s Day is all about big, grand gestures, while the other simply values a quiet, intimate evening together.
The key here is to talk about your expectations before the day arrives so you both know what to expect. This way, you can enjoy the day to the fullest without any surprises, misunderstandings, or disappointment.
Here’s an-easy-to-use script to get the conversation started if your partner tends to be a little quieter or apprehensive about this kind of stuff:
“Hey, so I was reading this post about Valentine’s Day, and I thought, ‘Hmm, we should probably talk about how we’re celebrating this year.’ I mean, do you picture us having a romantic dinner, or are we more of the ‘let’s hang out and watch movies in our comfiest clothes’ kind of couple? Also, gifts - are we doing that, or are we just in it for the quality time? I’d love to try something different this year. Let’s figure out what would make both of us happy.”
Key takeaway: Talk about your expectations to maximize connection and avoid disappointment or confusion.
2. Ask About the Bigger Picture: Understanding Your Partner’s "Why"
Behind every expectation is a story that’s worth exploring, especially when you and your partner might have different or nuanced views about Valentine’s Day.
What does Valentine’s Day really mean to you? And why does it matter? Maybe you’ve never paused to think about it. The answers might surprise you.
Your partner might see it as a special day to celebrate your relationship, while you might be thinking, “It’s just another day, let’s keep it simple.” By asking about the “why” behind the occasion, you both have the chance to connect on a deeper level - whether you end up celebrating on that specific day or not.
Here’s how to start the conversation in a relaxed, no-pressure way:
“Okay, real talk. I was thinking about Valentine’s Day, and I’m curious: what does it really mean to you, and where does that view come from? For me, it’s [insert your thoughts and experiences], but I know we might see it differently. Was there something from your past or growing up that shaped how you feel about it? I want to make sure we’re both approaching the day in a way that feels good for both of us!”
Understanding the significance behind the day can help you avoid any misunderstandings or assumptions AND increase your sense of connection.
Maybe Valentine’s Day holds sentimental value for one of you, or maybe it’s just a fun excuse to do something special. It could be a day to celebrate your relationship - or just another Friday. Either way, when you understand the stories that shape each other’s views, it opens the door to deeper, more fulfilling conversations.
Try to really listen to your partner’s perspective. Ask questions, explore their feelings, and understand where they’re coming from. This simple shift can turn Valentine’s Day (or any day) into a meaningful exchange, allowing both of you to feel heard and supported.
Remember, connection isn’t just about the activities - it’s about understanding each other’s perspectives and the stories behind them. When you take the time to listen and understand, you can create something together that works for both of you.
Main Takeaway: If you do nothing else for Valentine’s Day, use it as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s needs, preferences, and desires… and the story behind them. This will strengthen your bond.
3. Plan Together: Collaboration Makes it Special
Now that you’ve talked about what you both want and why it matters, planning together becomes much easier.
The goal is to make sure that both of you feel heard and valued from steps 1 and 2, so the day can be enjoyed in a way that feels good for both of you. Planning doesn’t have to be stressful or overwhelming - it’s about aligning your ideas, respecting each other’s preferences, and making space for connection.
Here are three scenarios to guide your planning:
Scenario 1: Low-Key or Extravagant Planners - When You’re On the Same Page About Valentine’s Day
Some couples already know what they want for Valentine’s Day.
Here’s how the conversation might go:
“We both know we enjoy a simple evening in, but I’m also thinking we could do something special, like a romantic dinner at home with candles and our favorite food. We don’t need anything extravagant, just something that feels meaningful. How does that sound?”
or
“So, we both know Valentine’s Day is special to us and we want to make it stand-out from our regular dates night. I was thinking we could have a fancy dinner at that restaurant we’ve been talking about, incorporating the element of surprise, and then maybe a romantic walk afterward. How do you feel about that? Is there anything you want to add to make it even more memorable?”
In this scenario, you both align on your expectations, making planning an easy and enjoyable process. You’re focusing on a celebration that feels right, without feeling the need to compromise on what feels good.
Scenario 2: Compromise - When You Want to Celebrate but Differently
It’s totally normal for couples to want to celebrate Valentine’s Day differently. One partner may want something grand, while the other prefers a quieter, more low-key celebration. This is where compromise comes in - finding a middle ground where both of you feel like your needs are met.
Here’s how the conversation might go:
“I know you’re really into having a big celebration, and I’d love to celebrate with you. How about we have a nice dinner out, but keep the rest of the evening low-key with a walk or a quiet evening at home? That way, we get a little bit of both.”
In this case, you’re meeting in the middle. Compromise isn’t about one person “giving in” but about finding a way to enjoy the day that honours both wants (your “what”) and the stories behind those (your “why”). You both get to have what matters most to you, and the focus is on connection.
Scenario 3: When One Partner Wants to Celebrate but the Other Doesn’t
Sometimes, one partner is excited about celebrating Valentine’s Day, while the other might not feel as enthusiastic. Maybe they don’t see the day as significant, or they’re just not in the mood for it. In this case, it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and care.
Here’s how the conversation might go:
“I know Valentine’s Day isn’t really your thing, and I totally understand. But I’d still love to do something simple together - nothing huge, just a little celebration that feels comfortable for both of us. Based on our conversation so far, what would it look like if we were to connect that day?”
The goal here is to respect your partner’s feelings while still expressing your desire to celebrate in a way that doesn’t erase their needs, and vice-versa. It’s about finding a balance that allows you to connect without pushing one another into something neither wants.
There are two keys for to make this third dynamic work:
Ensure that there’s a real respect for steps 1 and 2
Remember that choosing to honour your partner’s needs, within healthy boundaries, is an act of love.
By understanding what you both want and why it matters, planning doesn’t have to feel like a stressful task. Whether you’re aligned on your approach, finding a compromise, or navigating different expectations, the key is to create a celebration that feels meaningful for both of you. The focus is on connection, not perfection.
4. Make it Fun and Personal: Create Your Own Tradition
The best Valentine’s Day traditions are the ones that reflect you as a couple. For us, it’s about simplicity, good food, and a little novelty.
Every year, we indulge in something we rarely have - fried chicken! We try a new place each year, and it’s become a fun tradition that we look forward to. Whether it’s a quirky food tradition or something entirely different, make sure your tradition feels personal and meaningful to you both.
So, what could your own tradition look like?
Maybe it’s cooking together, going for a walk in your favourite spot, or writing love letters. Whatever it is, it should be something that makes you both feel close and connected.
Need More Ideas? Here’s our Valentine’s Day Gift Guide: Thoughtful Ideas to Celebrate Your Relationship
Looking for ways to make Valentine’s Day even more special? Here are a few gift ideas that’ll help you connect on a deeper level:
Free Resource: Thoughtful gestures, like a handwritten love note, can make the day unforgettable. For inspiration, check out our blog post on Love Letters Reconsidered - a heartfelt and timeless way to express your feelings. Read it here!
Free Gift: Want to improve communication and grow closer together? Join our 5-Day Communications Challenge designed to help you connect more deeply every day. Join the challenge here!
Paid Option: Looking for something more impactful? The Couple’s Conscious Love Kit helps deepen your connection, improve communication, and build a stronger foundation for your relationship. Check it out here!
Make Valentine’s Day About Connection, Not Commercialism
So you know the drill by now, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about extravagant gifts or over-the-top gestures. What truly matters is connection - and you can create that connection through meaningful conversation, shared experiences, and simple gestures. The day is about celebrating your love in a way that feels true to both of you.
